Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
