coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
