whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
