Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Found your dick twin last night
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
