So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
