I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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