Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
