just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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