kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
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