I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
