I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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