Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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