Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
