think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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