every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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