i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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