he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You can't special order awesome
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
