I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
