happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
