as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
