He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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