Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
my poor anus
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
