last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
