bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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