Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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