Welp...herpes.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
