The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Randomize
