I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
