he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
