Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
