Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
