i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
