1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The adults are the big ones right?
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
