im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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