I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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