I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
