no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
He? As in you personified your dick?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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