No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
