Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
