Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
