this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
