I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
