It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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