somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
it glows. i had to have it.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
