somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
