I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
