What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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