the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
