Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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