and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
